Start writing Fiction week one exersise

So one of the exercise in week one of Start Writing fiction, is to watch a short film of people and make some observations in a journal. Here are mine. 

Reviewing my notes I think it is fair to say that I have a range of details.

|I am going to develop Yellow pad man into something a little more.

Thomas Barrow, is heading towards forty, though he still has a few years in him,

 and to his mind he doesn't look it. Thanks to Sunday morning rugby practice, 

he's big, like a wall. All hardness and muscle. The fact is, he's done pretty well

 by the standards of anyone who's struggling, though to hear him talk, he's

 just a working stiff. However, money is far enough from an issue that he can disregard

the safety of his own possessions, such as the three hundred quid phone he leaves dangling

 over the edge of the table, while he has a lunch meeting at the kind of 

restaurant that makes their table tops from real wood, and only serves Belgian beers.
He is excited today; this meeting could mean an important account comes to the

firm, and it shows in his every movement. His hands whip around animatedly, as 

punctuation for his every statement.

So, how can I alter this description to draw more interest from the reader? I would welcome your thoughts.